the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
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