So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
