Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Say something about gay babies.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I think pants incapable of making pants work
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
