Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
