Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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