He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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