You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
