I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
