Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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