You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
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He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
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You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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