i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize