I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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