new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
