You can't special order awesome
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Someone signed my nipple.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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