Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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