just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Randomize
