Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just forgot I was standing up.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
