That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
where are you?
Hypothermia
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
