i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
