at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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