I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
