I hate your face
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Are my feet made of real feet?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
