Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
