i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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