Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
