it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
