FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
