Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
