She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize