while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
