and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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