Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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