how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
