Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
