I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
