We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
They took my balls.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
