I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
