who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
