she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
