I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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