I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
