i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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