I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
