His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
