He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
