and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
