Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize