So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
