is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
