im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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