Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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