Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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