It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
well, you know. whores of a feather.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
