But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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