we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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