What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
