Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
