I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
