I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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