Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
