Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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