You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
