so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
